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Monday, December 3, 2012

My Heart Hurts, And Not From Fatty Foods


I read on the interweb this morning that there are 5 stages of grief:
  • Denial, disbelief, numbness
  • Anger, blaming others
  • Bargaining
  • Depressed mood, sadness, and crying
  • Acceptance, coming to terms
So far I've felt the first two & number four, a lot. 

My grandma passed away on Friday. She was at home, with her family, just like she always wanted to be. If it had been a Hollywood movie her passing probably would have been quickly followed up with a montage of all the happy moments she had with everyone in that house. But it was a movie and it definitely wasn't easy to watch her die. 

It hurt my heart like hell. It still does.

The selfish part of me cries because I'll never hear her voice again but there's another {teeny} part of me that cries out of happiness. I know in my heart she's in a better place, living pain free, walking on the beach, catching up with her ancestors in some paradise on the other side.

She lived a great life; having been married to the love of her life for over 50 years, raising 8 children, watching 30 grandchildren grow up and 8 great-grandchildren be born. That's the kind of life and legacy anyone would be proud of.

She was the best & even though I doubt this heartache will ever fully go away I know that each day it'll get a little easier to accept she's not here anymore.

I just wish these stages would hurry the hell up and pass cause I think there's a point where your body runs out of tears & just begins to ugly dry heave. And really, nobody wants to see that.

27 comments:

  1. Lin, my thoughts are with you and your family. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful person who had such a wonderful life

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  2. My prayers and thoughts are with you right now. Your grandma sounds like she was an incredible person. I'm sending a hug your way!

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  3. oh hun, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I lost my grandma a few years ago and I know it sucks. If you need anything shoot me a msg or whatnot! I can give you my number too if you need. Hang in there dear.

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  4. I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother's passing. You were lucky to be so close with her. It sounds like she lived such an amazing life and being surrounded by friends and family at the end, what a blessing. My thoughts are with you and your family. The 7 stages come and go at different times. I am sorry for your loss this close to the holidays.

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  5. I'm sorry to hear that your grandmother passed. It must be hard seeing someone you love leave you. It sounds like she had a wonderful life and surrounded by family.

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  6. Oh no! I'm so sorry for your loss! My thoughts are with you! It seems like she really had a fulfilled life and, what is even more important, could be with her family until the end. It really hurts, though, despite all of that. My grandpa died last year, and I still think about calling him from time to time.

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  7. I am so so sorry, Lin! I know how hard it is to loose a beloved person. I am thinking of you and I would hug you if I could! But I am trying to send you a virtual hug! I am so sorry for your loss! Your grandmother sounds like such an amazing person!

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  9. I'm sorry to hear about your loss - my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

    For what it's worth, I completely think the stages of grief are bullshit. I think grieving in general is bullshit, as someone who has lost a lot of people, including a parent, it's just time that heals those wounds.

    Love you!
    -- thenakedmanual.com

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  10. Lots of love from Kansas, friend. I wish I could do more, but I'll be thinking of you.

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  11. Sending hugs and best wishes to your family!

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  12. thinking of you lots girly!
    it sounds like your grandma had an amazing life, I hope mine can be half that awesome!
    xoxo

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  13. Oh babes- I'm so sorry to hear this. :( It is awful to grieve for someone but you'll be just fine. You have awesome memories and she died knowing what an impression she made on everyone around her and who could ask for anything more?

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  14. Thinking of you, love. If you need anything, let me know!! :)

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  15. I'm so sorry Lin. I know exactly what you're going through. I lost my 1st grandma February of this year and just when I finished all the steps and was able to say her name and not stop crying all over the place, my other grandma died. It'll get better. Sending you lots of hugs!

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  16. I'm sorry, Linny. You know my Maw passed 6 months ago. It sounds like in much the same way yours did. It was so hard but I feel so BLESSED to have been able to be there when she made the transition. And you're right! She's pain free now! But it's ok to cry anyway.
    Lots of love and prayers for you tonight!

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  17. Oh no :( That is so rough, especially right in the middle of the holiday season. But at least she went the way she wanted to.
    When my dad passed away I wasn't sure how I would ever move forward. It takes a lot of days of just taking every hour as it comes to really fall into a life without that person you've lost.
    Wishing you comfort in this rough time!!

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  18. I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandmother, Lin! Sending lots of love your way during this time ♥

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  19. sending you a gigantic internet bear hug all the way from Canada. xo

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  20. Oh my! I'm sorry to hear but my thoughts and prayers are with you! I will definitely be praying that the stages of grief pass quickly! It is tough to loose someone whose been Theresa long! Hold on to the good memories you have other and be sure share them with your family members as much as you can! You need a good laugh and cry with all of them, just like in the movies when someone remembers a loved one!

    -Simone

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  21. I'm so sorry for your loss, and sending love and best wishes for you and your family.

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  22. Awe, lovie :( I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. The stages can take up to 2 years, and you don't have to experience them in that order. And years down the road, you may go through them again. Its okay. Be okay with that stage that you're in, because it lets you know you're alive and you're feeling. Love ya, sweets!

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  23. I'm so sorry Lin. It's so different to go through this kind of grief as an adult. My grandma passed away when I was in Alaska and I felt awful. Like I had failed my mom and her by being stuck here. I hope you can find some comfort in your family. Just remember that our grandparents lived in a "better" time and when they go to that better place, they can be with all those they loved again.

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  24. <3
    Also because I know it makes you feel better when I complain about random shit, you should know that it's looking like rain and I didn't wear my rain boots, that the pain in my wrist has gotten worse and probably means my hand is going to fall off and, worst of all, there's no chocolate in the free candy basket at work. Better?

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  25. I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Here is hoping today is better than yesterday. And she must have been pretty kick ass since you are and we all know that that runs in the genes!

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  26. Lin - I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to say something. Please accept my sincere condolences. Experiencing the loss of a loved one is never easy and I know how it feels to just want the pain to go away. It's been over 4 years for me and I still haven't fully experienced some of the stages. My heart goes out to you and your family. I have been thinking about you ever since I read this post.

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  27. I've been catching up and just saw this. I'm so sorry. My papa passed in April 3 days before my son was born and I know what you are going through. It still hurts. I hope you are making it through those last stages. Again I'm so sorry.

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