Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Lesson Learned: Concert Edition

Going to a concert in a teeny hole in the wall all-ages concert hall can teach you a lot more than you ever expected. For reals. Here I was thinking I paid $14 for a show but truth is I paid for much more than that, like the fact I'm glad to no longer be a smelly annoying teenager.

It's true, some of them really do smell. I know first hand thanks to this hot stuffy concert place.

1. Today's fashion sucks.
You will never catch me wearing boots that resemble something my uncle brought back from the Vietnam war, without socks (or at all). Talk about smelly feet yo. Spandex black pants are still a privilege, not a right...this is for all my fellow chubby gals. That shit is see through when it stretches on your ass girlfriend so don't do it. Please.

2. Going out with dirty hair is a-OK.
There's no nice way to say this except coming out & just saying it so...wash that greasy mop head. I blame the stupid dry shampoo craze that's going on right now. For goodness sake, you still need to bathe.

3. Teen girls don't have a gay-dar...yet.
I love the gay's, they're fucking rad but they're not really dating material when you're straight. Whether it's going crazy for the very feminine fella with the crazy Shakira dance moves on stage or hanging on a boy in a lime green shirt who obviously can't stop ogling at the fella on stage, it's quiet apparent that many young girls have not come to terms with the fact that not all men are into the vag.

4. It's OK to show up a little buzzed.
If you're 21, of course. They didn't serve alcohol since it was an all-ages concert but boy could I have used a fucking drink during those boring bands. Yesterday I mentioned how the Twitter wall was more entertaining than the bands & honestly I was being way too nice because watching paint dry would have been more fun that listening to that shit noise. I really should've listed to Em when she suggested I take a flask. <-- note for future concerts

5. I'm not as young as I thought I was.
My feet hurt an hour into standing, we abandoned ship halfway through the last (main) band because my dogs were barking, I don't like being sweaty, and I found myself saying "if anyone's cute, it's that young boy on the drums" to Rusty when all the girls were going nuts for the lead singer. Yeah, I actually called him a boy, like some kind of grandma. Truth is he was probably about 21.

You learned anything lately?


  1. I'm sorry, this is hilarious. At least you got something out of the experience. I especially loved the "young boy" comment. HA!
    I've learned that while i get annoyed at college students who walk out in front of me while i'm driving on campus, apparently i ALSO get annoyed when they don't but i expect them to. It's a very confusing time for me right now.
    (disclaimer: i work on a college campus)
    Have a great day :)

  2. Haha, Lin...you make me laugh so much!
    And yeah, I do feel old at concerts...It is kind of sad.

  3. This cracked me up. As for the gay-dar part, sometimes, when I glance at all those teenagers that hang out everywhere, it's really hard to tell the difference between gay, metro, and hipster. And then when you through in emo, it really gets confusing. The whole "boys wearing skinny jeans" really through a wrench into it. And I'm pretty sure I showered everyday as a teenager. Is there are reason why they're not doing it now?? There's a reason why I avoid the grocery store during the after school hours. The stupid high school kids hang out there and, dude, they smell weird.

  4. I love this post. The whole thing. Awesome.

  5. hahaaaaa - this post is hilarious!! but i just gotta say, i love me some dry shampoo. i don't think i stink but, hmmm, maybe i do.

  6. Very valuable insights. I really wish everyone in the whole world would read point #1 re: spandex. It's not about whether a girl is large or not - that I couldn't care less about. But I really don't need to see her entire ass because the spandex is stretched to capacity. Also I think that everyone looks better in leggings if they're wearing a dress/skirt/long shirt. EVERYONE.
    They do smell funny. And I no longer understand fashion. Also you really should listen to me about this sort of thing. You realize, don't you, that a lot of these things would have been much more bearable if you'd had a handy flask? Particularly the food pain.

  7. Oh man! This had me howling! My concert days are over. I still love to go, but I need to sit down and now it's more important that I dress comfortably instead of "oh what if the lead singer sees me?" Also, I knew I was getting old when it seemed very loud. On the flip side, I think my early hearing lost is due to having the good seats one too many times. Great post!

  8. Hahahahah too funny. I used to go to local shows too when I was like 14 years old and I thought it was the best thing ever. However, combat boots are not/will never be my thing either!

  9. Most events are better when flasks are present!

  10. I like to try to embrace my old-fogie nature. I like to go to bed early. I like to go window shopping. I like to SIT DOWN at a concert. I'm old. But it's ok!

  11. Haha all such valid points. I used to go to shows all the time. Punk shows where you push or your ass gets beat up. Now I'm like ew don't touch me, gross! Granted, I never like other people's sweat on me before either lol.

    One thing that has stayed the same? Hating those girls who wear dresses and/or heels. Bitch you're just asking to take a dive lol!

  12. Awesome post! This venue sounds like a place near me that used to do shows...it closed down though. I love a good concert, but you're right, some people just don't know how to dress and/or act. And the music is not always good. I tend to see shows where I know I will like the music though, so I haven't had to worry about that too much. Unless it's a musical festival. Then you might need to get away from the noise every now and then. haha


  13. I remember being in the front row at a Lollapalooza concert, getting smashed and pushed and trying desperately to make eye contact with Anthony Kiedis...the last concert I went to, I was wearing Dansko clogs, mom jeans and I left early because I was worried about the roads being icy for the drive home.

    Let the good times roll!


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