Thursday, June 16, 2011

If Only Money Could Make An Old Sausage New Again...

So...the Hef-myster was left at the before the alter. Sad times.

I mean, what's the world come to when a gold digger won't marry an old dude for all his money? Hugh didn't even make her sign a pre-nup. A sure sign of senility & devotion right there.

A while back he did all this crazy talk about how he didn't need one cause it was true love (ha-ha) & she didn't want to marry him for his money (bwahahahaha) and now old great grand dad Hef is left with a ginormous wedding bill, shitty cake, and a 24 oz pill bottle full of Viagra.

If you ask me I think all that bleach Crystal uses on her hair made it's way to her brain and fried it cause if she was smart she would've just gone through with marrying him. It's not like she's got any other talent besides showing off her goods & being arm candy.

The singing thing...yeah that's so not going anywhere. From what I've read she sounds like a pretty cheap imitation of old Brit Brit, with her lyrics being “Entertain me / I’m a, I’m a, I’m a club queen / Dance for me / Dance for me.”, I just don't know how they could say things so harsh. *eye roll*

I wonder if Crystal ran for the hills due to the sheer fact that she probably would've had to touch a shriveled 80-year-old sausage for the next 15 or so years, cause you know Hef's totally into some Elizabeth Bathory shit or something...homeslice is like 110 yrs old. In all honesty though, I would have ran too. Shit, I probably would have jacked an old lady for her rascal if it got me away any faster.

Really though...sorry for the sad news Hef. Looks like you'll just have to find a way to console yourself with the 25 or so half naked 18 yr old's living in your house. I know, how in the world will you ever cope?



  1. I'm a little torn up about this whole thing. No, I'm not crying & wailing "WHY!" at the top of my lungs...

    I'm wondering why in THE world do women go out with old sausages like Hef. Sure it may be love but lets face it...poor Hef got used. She got what she wanted, fame & maybe a little bit of fortune.

    I'd love to be a fly on the wall wondering what ol' Holly Madison is thinking about this. She's probably thinking "I'll take her place!" Pfft.

    old sausage totally had me crackin' up!

  2. I'm thinking it's as simple as she finally made that eye appointment she's been putting off. Once she was seeing 20/20 she was thinking, "that's gross!"


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