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Thursday, May 12, 2011

If You See The Old Me Around Please Send Her Back


I smile and I laugh but lately I just haven't felt....anything. The last couple of days have been rough and I don't know whether it's my & Rusty's work schedules that keep us away from home from 4am-11pm some days or if it's a lack of vitamins that's making me feel so shitty.

I'm tired exhausted most days. I've been falling asleep at work this entire week and I pray every time I wake up that my one of my 2 supervisors won't be standing in front of me to greet me with a pink notice that says 'now you can sleep all you want because you're fired'.

For the last 2 weeks I'd been walking/jogging at the local high school but didn't feel up to it this week so I didn't even attempt to put on my running shoes. I just gave in to the laziness & now I feel like a fat slob. My mood has gone from lovable to cold and I know Rusty feels it, especially when he tries to get close to me at night.

I'm not depressed, I know this. At least I think I know this.

Maybe I'm just throwing myself a pity party & deep down inside I'm glad I'm the only one invited.

Whatever it is, I'm over it. I want to laugh & not have my face hurt because it's feeling forced. I don't want to have my entire week suck until it's Thursday because I know I don't have to wake up early the next day and show up to a boring/repetitive job.

I need a vacation. One where I don't have to think about anything, not worry about bills or the fact we should now have an overflow of cash because we're once again a two income family but don't cause we eat out all the fucking time.

Point is I need to get my shit together because I'm not liking this 'me' very much.


Here's hoping to a better tomorrow...one where I get to sleep in.



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6 comments:

  1. Hang in there, friend! You'll make it through. I have been in this place many times.

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  2. I'm so sorry lovey! You need to get out of the funk that seems to have crept into everyones lives. Maybe on your next joint day off you can do something just the two of you that is romantical and just perfect for your guys relationship!

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  3. Oh Lin, sending you a hug. Just a thought...my friend was tired all the time and just last week had her thyroid checked. She had the one that makes you sleepy (hypo, I think??) and is now taking something for it.

    Hang in there. These funks are so hard to be in.

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  4. ahhhh I so know what you are going through right now. Its change that does that!! Your entire schedule/life got turned upside down a couple of months ago and that stuff takes time to settle in!! When I first moved over here I wasn't immediately homesick- that stuff took months to really kick in- and then I felt the same exact way....just not right. not happy, but not depressed and so so tired. To be honest I'm still dealing with a lot of it, but it gets better- you find ways to distract yourself, you find new normals and soon enough you start feeling like yourself again. all change, even change that isn't life altering, can really be a kick in the teeth sometimes! I hope you start feeling better soon!

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  5. We all go through our little funks. It sounds like to me that you need a vacation, definitely!!

    I think when you book a vacation, it almost takes you out of your funk. You'll have that bounce in your step and the excitement takes over because you know that you will be away from work for a couple of days. You will also start to exercise to be in shape for a vacation. That is how I feel right now. Once I booked for Punta Cana in June and Vegas in July, I already feel much better. I have things to blog about and I went to the gym three times this week.

    I hope you find something that will cheer you up and once again make you happy. It's okay to feel out of it or disconnect for some time. Maybe you need a lifestyle change, a job change, a haircut or maybe a great massage. Whatever it is, I hope you find it...

    I too, hope you start to feel better soon!

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  6. I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I get little spurts of that and just write it off as a funk, but if it keeps up I always know it's more. If it doesn't let up for you, seriously ask about some meds you can take in the short-term. They really make a difference!!

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