Monday, April 25, 2011

And I Thought Talking To My Mom About Sex Was Awkward...

My mom has always been one of those parents that's constantly asking questions. Some may even call it being nosey...so would I. Growing up she'd always ask if I was dating someone, of course I'd lie and say no. When she ask if I was having sex, I told the truth and answered no. And when she bugged me enough about school I'd tell her that everything was fine even though I hated every second of it. The point is she asked about my life. All. The. Damn. Time.

It meant she cared.

I've come to realization that not everyone had that type of parent growing up. My 18-year-old goddaughter is one of them. Her mom has never been the motherly type. Sometimes I think she had kids so she wouldn't be alone or to hold on to the man that she knew only liked her for the things she gave him...either way, the nurturing parent gene is not in her body.

So when my goddaughter came back from a family vacation and all she could talk about was this guy she met there and how much fun they had spending the entire week together and how he was going to come visit her in the next few months I took it upon myself to have 'THE TALK' with her.

I know some of you may be thinking it wasn't my place but if you knew her mom you'd know this conversation was one that had never been had. How she managed to stay out of trouble and not become some sort of floozy is beyond me but the kid's totally smart and has a great head on her shoulders so I figured it would be pretty easy to talk to her about S-E-X and the responsibility that comes with it.

I'm so naive.

In reality it was awkward, I mumbled a lot and there were questions she asked that I'm not too sure I should have answered honestly.

She came clean and told me that although she's still holding onto her V-card, she did want to take precautions in case/before anything did happen. There was advice on birth control, seeing a doctor privately (aka: not having hell break loose for being responsible), becoming the fellas friend first & not rushing into a relationship, and it being OK to have certain feelings.

One thing I probably should've mentioned during our little talk is that she should probably learn how her *'car' works before she lets someone else in the driver seat. I've read way too many {sad} stories about women not knowing anything about the 'car' they've been hauling around for the past 30-something-years only to learn that the guy now driving the 'car' has been doing it all wrong.

To be blunt, it's an effing shame to drive a 'car' that long if you're doing it all wrong and pushing all the wrong buttons. I think Rusty said it best when he said (something along the lines of)...

"I usually have no clue what's going on down there so feel free to give me directions, it's better than getting lost and driving around in circles."

Maybe next time we have another one of these little talks I'll step it up a notch by also informing her that it's not all 'Plain White T's' love songs. There are most definitely gonna be times when fart-like noises will happen and one of you will burst out in laughter while the other one is left wondering if it was actually a fart or not. (oh, you know it's totally happened!)

Ahhh...fun times.

*I hope you know, 'car' doesn't actually mean car. But in case you're still wondering what it's code for, I meant who-ha ;)



  1. OMG I am CRACKING up! Poor poor you! I'm so glad I'm not having that "talk" any time soon!!!

  2. You didn't step on mom's toes. The fact that the poor girl had questions means she NEEDED someone to talk to her. You rock.

  3. OMG, hilarious! And kudos to you for having the metaphorical balls to step up and talk to her about it-you never know, you may have prevented something serious down the road!


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