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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Yes, I Am Selfish.


When I first started this blogging thing I didn't do it to entertain or to show off. It was more of an outlet for me because I was bored...like seriously bored.

Now it's become a little more than just me expressing my opinion on what a celebrity is wearing to an awards show, I can write things here that I wouldn't say out loud in real life.

This is my personal space in the world where I can say whatever the hell I want and not be afraid of what someone will think of me or my opinions. I like that. A lot.

Yesterday I was asked about my blog by a family member.

No one except Rusty knows the name of this blog or what I do on here. There is of course an occasional nosey family member *cough* lil brother, mom, aunt *cough* that know 'a blog' exists & that I sometimes get random stuff delivered to my house because of it, but that's it.

Maybe I'm being selfish in wanting to keep this place to myself, I mean the things I write about are pretty awesome lol, but there's enough drama in my life & my family being able to know what I really think would only create chaos.

So yesterday when a family member asked me for the name of my blog I had to look them straight in the eye (while turning red in the face) & say "um...I don't actually want my family reading it. Sorry."

I felt awful but the thought of having my web address spread through my enormous family like herpes in Paris Hilton's' chocha would have been worse. My extended family is judgemental, they are hypocrites and love to tear you down...I really don't need them tainting the one place I can be myself.

The thing that sucks is that I'm sure this was only the first of many times I'll be asked about it & I hate the fact that I'm going to have to be the bad guy & tell them I dont want them reading it. Why cant people just leave it alone...I mean if I wanted you to read it I probably would have given you the name already. *sigh*

www.nataliedee.com


I really wish I was more like Rusty & my family more like his mom. Rusty told his mom flat out "Lin has a blog but dont ask her about it because she doesnt want family reading it" when she asked him about it. He was straight forward, didnt give a shit if he hurt her feeling because he was protecting me & the thing I love...the best part...she's never uttered a word about it other than to wish me luck with it.


7 comments:

  1. I feel exactly the same way! None of my family even knows I blog, except my little sister and I tell her everything anyway. I want to be able to say exactly what I'm feeling without having to censor to appease friends and family.

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  2. I am right there with you- my family is much the same. I have two lives- one that my parents know about, and one which involves the real me. Its so much easier that way. Which is why (with the exception of my sister) no one in my family, and honestly besides my husband, no one in my real life knows about my blog. It makes it easier for me to say what I want to say and not worry about hypocrital judgements. So don't feel like you are being selfish- just because they are family doesn't mean you aren't allowed a little privacy that doesn't involved them! Keep your blog to youself, its a battle worth fighting for!

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  3. Make a fake blog and post random shit : pictures, word of the day, etc. and give that to them :)

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  4. I don't blame you at all. Your blog is your personal space. It is where you can go to bitch and moan about those you love and you can do it without them ever knowing. It is an outlet and makes you and your family get along even better.

    I have several friends and family who know about my blog and read it and I have found that that really stifles my writing at times. Sometimes I just want to vent on my blog, but knowing that the person i want to vent about might read it and my venting is not meant to cause harm.

    Keep it anonymous! They will get over it. Plus one day you can always start a "family update blog" and give out that address :)

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  5. Yeah no one knows about mine either. My mom knows i blog... But thats it. My real dad (sperm donor) reads it. I gave him the info like a dumbass when we were on good terms. But I'd tell him to eff off so really could care less if he sees my opinions.

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  6. I feel exactly the same way. Last Christmas my family discovered my blog, and they did hurt me. I know how my family is. I know what kind of people they are. But I never imagined they could hurt me so much.
    (Thanks cousins, uncles/aunts, gradma...)
    Therefore I had to close my blog. It was so hard.
    I loved my blog. I love blogging. I loved being myself (as you said in this post) in a little corner in the Web. Without people judging me or criticising me.
    And then it hit me. I'd start a new blog. And I did. I started a new blog, using a pseudonym, without posting pictures of myself (just in case), and I told about this blog just a few blogger friends.
    And now, I've recently discovered (Thanks Sitemeter.com!) that one family member has found my blog. I think this is some kind of obssession. He has done some research to find me on the web!
    Now I can't be myself even on my blog. I have to think about what I want that person to know and what I don't. And I'm scared.

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  7. me too! But I don't think it's selfish so much as protecting myself and Roy. You know I have said things that will cause hurt feelings. His parents and my mom, would flat die. StupidAss Eddie and Loretta were worried about photos??? If they only knew!
    My blog is for me. To get out all that bullshit that bogs down my mind, not to paint pretty pictures and sugar coated that bitter pill of life.
    Maybe some day I'll open up a spot for them to tell them my side of things... but right now I want my spot to hide in from them.

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