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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

You Forgot The Clothes On Her Back...

My grandma's been sick lately. I think I wrote about her having a stroke a couple of months ago & how much it hurt to see someone so strong turn into someone so frail. I'm sad to say it's only gone down hill since then. She's now been in & out of the hospital for the past couple of weeks since then & every time I prepare myself for the inevitable. Luckily, she's still holding on...as best as she can.

She's now on oxygen 24/7, can no longer walk on her own so she must use a walker or be pushed around in a wheel chair wherever she goes & has to sleep in a hospital issued bed because she has to now sleep at an angle due to fluid build up in her lungs. It sucks to see her deteriorate slowly. It hurts.

But what hurts more is seeing family member sit & visit with her only to talk about what piece of jewelry they'll inherit or family memorabilia they'll take out of her house today. She's sick but she's not dead and yet there are vultures circling her trying to get their talons into anything of hers that they can because she old school & doesn't do the whole will thing.

I've never asked my grams for anything of hers & I never would have but a couple of weeks ago she gave me this ring of hers with an amethyst stone in it that I had once admired as a teenager. She remembered how much I had liked it & thought it should be mine. I accepted it & will cherish it for the rest of my life because it was a gift from her. I don't comprehend the emotional value a piece of jewelry will have to some of my family members if they had to ask for it. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but shouldn't an family heirloom be passed on willingly?

This weekend we had a party for Seth's' 17th birthday & most of our family, including my grandma, made it to the party. We all had a great time talking & reminiscing but sadly some people took this gathering as an opportunity to weasel more jewelry out of my almost going senile grandma. I wish I would have paid more attention to what was going on at the time because if I would have known that someone (who has already gotten more than her share) would have walked away that day with my grandmothers wedding ring, I would have kicked some serious ass.

I now understand why some families get divided after the passing of a loved one. I have 9 aunts & uncles on my grandmas side & more than 28 cousins. We're a huge family, a family that at one point all got along. It sucks but I don't see it staying that way for long. I can see the cracks in a bond that used to be strong & I can bet that pretty soon those cracks will turn into huge gaping holes.

The moral of this post...if you have kids or grand kids, make it easy on everyone & leave a will. There will be the occasional relative that doesn't understand why this kid ended up with your house when all they only got was a worthless china set but hey...it's you're will so they just have to suck it up.


10 comments:

  1. Sad, but true.
    I love this post. And I agree with you in every single word.
    I'm so sorry your grandma is sick. I know it hurts to see someone you love deteriorate. I'm praying for you.

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  2. Isn't it terrible that things like this actually happen? I can't believe people would actually do this. What they should be doing is cherishing their time with her.

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  3. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I have a conniving and immature cousin, myself. She weaseled my mema's wedding set away from her because, instead of buying an engagement ring, she and her fiancee bought a 52" television so they needed a free ring. Every time I think about this, my blood boils. So I 100% understand what you're feeling and it fucking sucks. It's sad to see possessions break apart a family because of people's greed.

    What I have to keep telling myself is that it's just a ring. The memories that I have with my Mema are much more important than having that ring, even though it really stings to see her have it.

    You can't control their actions--you can only control how you react to it!

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  4. Just found you through SITS and so glad I did. Powerful post. Sending hugs and looking forward to checking back in!
    Genevieve

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  5. I am so sorry your family is acting this way. It seems as our grandparents deteriorate the family falls further and further apart. That's how it happened in my family anyways. My aunts and uncles are not the loving, supporting family we once were. And forget my cousins. We don't even talk now. How special it is that your grandma gave you that ring. I hope, and know, you will cherish that for ever. She gave you that ring. That speaks mountains.

    Hang in there lovey and enjoy every waking moment you can with her. Focus on her and the positive. You do not need the negativity.

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  6. Oh dear, I am sorry that you are having to go through all that. It is very difficult I know. What a special ring that will always be. I am visiting via SITS, sending hugs your way.

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  7. It's terrible that people can be so selfish! Especially during someone's illness. I hope everything works out. I h*te hearing that your grammy is sick. :o(

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  8. oh lady that's rough...we had something similar happen to a family member and it makes me sick to see people so bent on getting what they want instead of honoring the person who's giving them those special pieces...but i'm glad you have a special ring to cherish!

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  9. I know what you're going through and I know how much it hurts you. I'm really sorry that you have to watch someone you care so much about be in so much pain. That she gave you your ring is so special, and even more so because she remembered that you loved it from so long ago!

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  10. I'm so sorry that your grandma isn't doing well.

    It is so sad to see people behave like that. The even sadder part is that even once she passes there will still be so much fighting if it hasn't been written in a will. Especially because people will argue that she did or did not agree that they could have this or that piece.

    My grandma has always made it clear that if there was ever anything we wanted we were to tell her and she would make sure it went in her will (which her and my pap update about once a year). It's a little morbid to think about, but I know they're just trying to make sure there aren't any fights between the kids and grandkids.

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