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Monday, August 10, 2009

I'm Green...


My mom just informed me that my cousin is pregnant and for some reason I'm jealous. Rusty & I don't have any kids & have both decided that it's best for us to wait to have a baby until we feel we can care for it financially & emotionally and right now is NOT that time.

Rusty is currently unemployed & I'm the only one working so it's super difficult & we're barely making ends meet. Deep down I know that it would be totally irresponsible of us to have a baby but I want the 'pregnancy attention'. Is that horrible?

For awhile I thought I didn't ever want to have kids (unless by some miracle Rusty could carry them inside him) but then I got to thinking about how awesome it must be to carry your & your partners child inside of you. That little bean in your belly having both of your DNA in it...amazing. These are the wonderful thoughts that float in my head before the bad thoughts of the stretch marks, back problems, lack of sleep, boobie pain & stretchy vag come to mind. And well, needless to say that after the bad thoughts I don't want one anymore & it buys me at least 3 months before I start wanting one again.

I'm happy for my cousin, she's deserves to be pregnant (she had 3 miscarriages before now) but I hate that even though I don't really want a baby I'm still a little green with envy.



3 comments:

  1. oh I totally understand where you are coming from. I love being pregnant and if I'm honest, love the attention too. I keep hoping, after 5 babies those feelings will go.
    I'm sure your time will come & I admire you responsible feelings around it.
    Good luck
    Chic mama
    X

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  2. It's always hard to know when the "right" time is to have a baby. My husband and I went through a lot to get our first here... and I was SO NOT READY for the SECOND... but he came anyway and he was as much a blessing in my life as the FIRST! If you are feeling a lil' bit jealous, maybe you are more ready than you think? Just my humble opinion, of course! :) GOOD LUCK! And yes... having a baby grow inside you is the BEST EVER AND SO worth what it does to your body!

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  3. I can identify with this post 100%! My sister has two babies who I love like they're mine, but I still am aching to have a baby of my own. It's better for both you & future baby to wait until you're financially able to care for it, though. That's what we decided anyways!

    Thanks for stopping by! And my morning did get better. ;)

    Caitlin

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