Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Welcome to Zombie-land AKA My Life

So the last time you guys heard from me I was a measly 18 weeks pregnant - guess what though - I'm done with that shit. That's right, the tadpole turned into a human and is now out & about in the world. Earlier than expected too - a whopping 8 weeks early to be exact.

I'm not going to write a "birth story" because I'm way too lazy and I'd probably fall asleep in the middle of it so I'll just wrap it up for y'all -
  • went to 32 week routine appointment at 9am on a Friday. Was told my (something I cant recall) levels were high and needed to head to hospital OB department for observation.
  • checked in for observation by 1pm and was in a crappy blue gown and sporting an IV and catheter by 3pm.
  • got a major headache that wouldn't go away for hours and by 11pm the doctor said "you've got preeclampsia and the baby will probably come out this weekend"and started me on steroids to help the babies lungs.  
  • by Saturday night I could barely open my eyes due to said headache so they decided the baby had to come out NOW! And by 10pm she was screaming her head off in the NICU.

As of today, Abby is 10 weeks 4 days old and whopping 9 lbs 0.6 oz (far from her 3 lb birth weight). She's the most amazing little person - even her screams for boobie milk are like angels singing - she has an attitude like her mamma and her daddy's big 'ol head. In other words, she's fucking perfect. 

Me? I'm tired. Exhausted. Zombie like. And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the biggest batch of gummy bears. 

I'm not sure how often I'll post on here, shit, it took me almost 6 months to write this post, but I'm sure I'll be on here every now and then because I need a venting spot. Who knew having a kid would cause so much tension in a marriage and cause your parents to practically move in to your 1 bedroom apartment? Seriously, they won't fucking leave. Help!

Also, my tatas hurt - when she cries, when she's hungry, when she stares at me...I'm starting to think this little girl has taken over everything in my life...everything, including sleep. 

I really should've taken longer naps while she was in the belly. Stupid, stupid me.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Back From The Dead

I swear I wasn't really dead, just a little preoccupied with life. Really, I mean it. Look at all I've been up to since the last time I posted in July ->

(holy hell, July...I'm a little ashamed I let the gap between posts get that big)


We decided to take this month off from fertility treatment because of the San Francisco trip we'd planned like 8 months before the baby making/trying happened. Sorry, paid vacations sometimes trump all; especially in super stressful times. So yeah we went to San Fran and I got to spend a few days with my favorite girl, Em. We also spent a few days farther up North visiting Rusty's family.

Gigi hanging out in her new dog-stroller. Girl was not gonna be trekking down those filthy San Fran streets, nu-un she's way too good for that.

Em & I taking photos of...stuff...?

That's right, I can hold up a bridge with my right hand.

We also adopted a new dog, Mavi. Sorry, I don't have a picture. I suck.


 We were pretty much broke after our NorCal trip(s) so we pretty much stayed in all month. Oh, we did celebrate Rusty's 31st bday (at home, with a homemade cake) - hey, it's something.

But we also got some really awesome, yet unexpected news...

That's right, there's a baby a brewing! After a month off treatment and only relaxing, it finally happened.

This was our pregnancy announcement. 

We also got some very unexpected BAD news...
Turns out the MIL was diagnosed with the worst stage of ovarian cancer. Wuah wuah wuah.


This was a boring month. Honestly I don't even remember doing anything except getting to see the nugget a few times. This was the second picture we got of it at 9 weeks. 

It looks like a chubby gummy baby haha. I teased Rusty & told him it was definitely his kid because of the giant head.

Oh and worst of all, the nausea set in. BAD.

It was so bad I had to carry barf bags in my purse cause Id hurl at any & every moment. Morning sickness my ass, it was more like ALL fucking day sickness. Thank gawd for Ginger Ale & saltines. 


Spent most of this month like the last - hugging the toilet or with my head in a barf bag. It was hell. Hell, I tell ya.

And if that wasn't bad enough - the MIL passed away. That's right, that cancer bastard ate her away in a matter of three months. It was tough. It still is.


What the fuck is this feeling? Could this be...no...yes...OMG, I feel normal again! *angels rejoice*
Morning sickness is 99% gone and I feel bursts of energy again. However my insides ache and I find myself applying Cocoa Butter on my belly more than a tranny applies makeup. I know stretch marks are gonna happen, I just don't want them to come in with a vengeance so whatever it takes.

Had enough energy to attend Rusty's company Christmas party for a little under 3 hours. Baby steps, right?

That's me - 18 weeks. This was taken last week (I'm 19 weeks & 4 days today).

So yeah, that's what I've been doing lately. Growing a human...fun times. Guess I should've listened closer when people told me to be careful what I wished for. Not that I'm not grateful for this pregnancy, hell I tried and cried over wanting it enough, but it's tough. 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Ten On Tuesday

1. True Blood: Sooo damn underwhelming. The only thing that's made it bearable is the fact fucking Tara is dead. YES!

2. Hot damn, these women did not age. Still totally do-able.

3. Our IUI #2 went well last weekend; should know on 7/7 if the swimmers broke in the fortress. *fingers crossed* If it doesn't happen, then we begin our 4th cycle and start daily injections vs a few a month. Fun times. Like everyone says, it's not about "if" it'll happen, it's about "when". #staypositive

4. Speaking of staying positive - there's nothing better than getting together with great friends who'll totally have your back when it comes to life. I met up with my fave girls, Shelley & Simone, on Friday for lunch and finally got to meet their precious baby boys! No lie, I was tempted to take one home with me. But then I realized that's against the law. Boo.

5. I'm now tempted to leave one of these notes on my car if I ever have to leave Gigi in the car for 2 mins. I mean, my car starts remotely - including a/c, so I suppose it'd be ok if I just have to run in to the gas station to pee or something...right?
NOTE: I'm totally against leaving an animal and/or child in a hot car.

6. We have zero plans for 4th of July and I'm totally alright with that.

7. I love her but, "in yo face biatch!" The look on her face is epic.

8. I think this little girl stole my warning letter. Also, I want to be here friend.

9. SPOILER: Gone Girl - Finally read the damn thing and guess what? I was not pleased. The ending was a let down and that psycho bitch should have gotten was coming to her, which was Nick's hands around her damn neck until she was truly "Gone Girl". There were (very few) times when I felt sorry for her and I kept yelling, you're both morons - just leave each other! The movie debuts in October & even though I won't be running to the theaters, I'll definitely be downloading RedBox-ing it.

10. Awww, look at the LITTLE puppy!

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Ten on Tuesday

1. Rusty's watching Game of Thrones from the first time, from the very beginning. Needless to say, he's loving it. The season finale...fucking loved it!

2. Went to the Reproductive Endo this morn to count my eggs. I've got a total of 4 brewing, only 2 are pretty much viable, which is still good. My second IUI procedure is scheduled for Saturday morning. Let get all those fingers crossed (again) please.

3. I love all dogs but mine's seriously the bee's knees. She doesn't listen too well, walks to her own beat and doesn't play well with humans...she's like a mini, more hairy, me.

4. Rusty went in for a job interview a little over a week ago with the same company he's with now but for full time and it's killing me (and I'm sure him too) to not know if he got it or not. Good news is, he hasn't gotten a call saying he didn't get it. Glass half full, right?

5. Speaking of the peanut butter to my jelly...this is totally true.

6. How short is too short? I'm wearing a dress today and I'm not sure if it's "too short" for work. It's approximately 4.5 inches above my knee (yes, I totally measured) - what do you think?

7. There's this girl at the dog park that thinks very highly of herself and does nothing but talk about her fake bewbs or how tiny her frame is...for her big bewbs. I'm so over it. The other day I almost let it slip that having giant bewbs doesn't change anything when you look like a g-damn gargoyle.


...and I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. Maybe even peed a little.

9. Talk about an unforgettable wedding.

10. I'm fresh out of ideas...the last 9 items took me about 2.5 hours to come up with. Yes, my life is boring. Oh...wait, I thought of something...have any of you read Gone Girl? If so, what did you think? I have it on the Nook but dont want to waste my time if it's as lame as Dark Places.

Join the randomness by linking up with the fabulous Alyssa.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Ten on Tuesday

1. It's almost Friday and the anticipation for either peeing on a pregnancy stick and getting a positive (*fingers crossed*) or knowing shark week is coming, is killing me.

2. I'm not a patient person. *see #1 & #3

3. We're going to San Fran in August! And as if that wasn't cool enough, we're actually going because my BFF Em's gonna be in town too! So damn excited. It's been about 2 years since I last saw her; I need my Em fix. Also, we're taking G & our dog sitter with us...I know, we're insane dog owners.

4. My life's gotten so boring lately. Shit, even I wouldn't be friends with me right now. All I'm currently about is my dog, work, books and getting knocked up. Oh yeah...and somewhere in there is time with Rusty. Poor dude always gets left out.

5. There's something about filling out customer surveys that I find so enjoyable. I just spent the last 20 minutes carefully filling out a Kaiser survey about my last visit for the IUI. Good thing for them I'm in a good mood today.

6. Why are people still talking about Kim & Kayne's wedding? There a SO many people I'd happily have shipped off this planet to just not have to see another fucking picture of their funky mugs on a magazine cover.

7. Fact: Del Taco has the best strawberry lemonade. For real.

8. Speaking of beverages...Gigi loves her Starbucks Puppuccino's.

Puppaccino: just a small cup of whipped cream.
Don't worry, she didn't eat the whole thing...just half. Hello, wired little dog.

9. I bought myself a new summer dress at Target over the weekend. I felt guilty buying a little piece of spandex/cotton for $20 but then I remembered that most of my wardrobe consists of jeans & tshirts and since summer's technically here I convinced myself it was a totally justified purchase.

If you've got a little spare tire(s), this dress/pattern hides it really well. I know firsthand.
10. Anyone seen this movie? I really want to see it!

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Try, Try Again...

I'ts the first time I've read that quote and I'm already a huge fan.

Lately my life's been all about "trying". Freakin' baby making is tough when your body isn't working as it should. I always knew I walked to the beat of my own drum but had no idea my lady bits had a drum on of their own. Bitch.

So as you may have guessed...I'm not housing a bun in my oven. Our first attempt, using Clomid and Menapur and doing the deed didn't do the job so we've moved on to the next step. No waiting around and trying that shit again, we're going for the gold...quickly. We all know these eggs ain't getting any younger.

It was IUI time.

As soon as I realized it was shark week & I wasn't pregnant, I called the doctor and they started me on Clomid (2 pills, 50 mg a day for 5 days) and Menapur (some dosage I don't remember, on the 6th day). I went in on Monday, found out I had 3 eggs - one big one, two not so big one's, and was told to do my HCG injection that night.

I went back in to the office yesterday and completed the IUI procedure. It was a lot quicker than expected - like 20 minutes in total. Had a bit of cramping/spotting afterwards but luckily I opted to take the day off so I just went home and passed out for a few hours. Of course, Gigi kept me company. Damn, I love that lil dog.

Sorry, back to the baby issue. Doc said Rusty has fantastic swimmers (like in the 90% - which is fan-fucking-tastic). So, I should know by June 6 if the procedure worked and I'm pregnant. *fingers crossed* - again.

I'm excited, much like the last time around, and not allowing myself to think about the possibility of this not working. If you send positive energy into the universe it'll give it back, right? At least I hope that's how it works...I've been holding doors and giving bums money too, just in case.

The doctor warned me not to take a pregnancy test before the 6th because I'd get a false reading - I don't think she understands just how hard it is for me to wait for anything. Ugh.

The wait is on. And, I promise to keep you all updated on whether or not it's a hit or a miss the second time around.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Ten on Tuesday...on Wednesday

1. I'm behind a day...yeah, it's pretty much the story of my life.

2. The damn fertility meds are giving me major teen acne. It's gross. Luckily it's not on my face, just you know, grotesquely on my back and bum. TMI...?

3. Speaking of fertility meds - I should know by May 6 if I've got a bun in the oven. I'm excited...like WAY excited.

4. Mad Men. What a fucking disappointment. I thought for sure they'd start off with a bang since it's the shows finale season but nope. Nada.

5. I've totally watched this movie like 3x this week and that's totally ok.

6. I need a personal chef. It's not fair that I have to get home and cook. I mean, I work hard 10 hours a day...someone else come do this shit for me. Oh, and don't forget to do the dishes when you're done.

7. I went to my pal Shelley's baby shower this weekend even though I didn't know a soul (besides her, of course). Normally I would've bailed on it as soon as I got the invite but I figured I should probably get out of my comfort zone every now and then. So glad I did. Also, not to sound racist but white people throw the best parties! I can totally get behind a 2 hour shindig versus a 6 hour one. Mexicans...always dragging shit out.

8. Lindsay Lohan apparently got knocked up by a married a man and then miscarried. Sad stuff but not surprised. Girl is fucking wreck.

9. You know what's super embarrassing? Spending about half an hour (creepily) staring at a girl who "I swear I know from somewhere", only to find out later that you don't know her at all - she just looks exactly like Brody's wife in Homeland. Apparently I watch so much damn TV that I find actors doppelgangers and think I "know" them.

10. Go ahead and tease me - I created a blog and Instagram account [@socaldogblog] that revolves around my dog. Yes, I'm that person now and I totally love it. It makes me happy. How the fuck can one little dog do this to a person? Crazy. Also, you should follow me cause I'm on there a whole helluva lot more than here, and we're cute.

Told ya - cute.

Friday, April 11, 2014

What's Up, Doc?

Damn, it's like a fucking ghost town here. I've made stops here every now and then but haven't paid it too much special attention.

Life. The bastard gets in the way.

In the last few months I've been super busy with, you guessed it, work...prepping for baseball season is the worst, learning to deal/cope with a severely depressed mother, an attention whore of an adorable little dog and trying to get knocked up.

That's right, this belly needs a baby in it! Hear that universe? I said it. Actually I've been saying it for the last few months and still nothing has happened. Fuck you universe.

There have been tears, I have told myself "it'll happen when it happens" and still...nothing happens. Stupid body.

I finally went to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist last month, she ran tons of tests to find out what's going on...did I really have PCOS? Turns out, I do and I don't. *eye roll*

All of my tests were on the border so she didn't feel comfortable labeling me PCOS...instead she went with "your ovaries are dumb". Ok, not literally. But basically one of my ovaries is a healthy 31 years old and always on schedule, the other not so much. The other one is on the verge of 45 and headed for retirement so it's slow as shit.

Hello lack of ovulation, I'm Lin.

Good news is, she didn't want to waste any of my possibly limited birthing days (a no bullshit kinda doc, I instantly dug her), so she ordered me to start with a combo of Clomid (pills) and Menopur (injectable). All of which I started a few days ago. I'm a little nervous about the shot I have to give myself on Sunday but fuck it, if it gets me a kid, I'm game.

To be completely honest, when I first visited the doctor I had super high hopes, now, I've let that hope dwindle a little bit. Not that it's been easy. But the way I figure it, if I have low expectations then I won't be completely crushed if it doesn't happen this cycle. I'm realistic, nothing in life can be completely easy.

It's like they say, you have to really work for the things you want.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Random Thursday: Worst Thing I've Ever Eaten...

I'd apologize for my absence but I won't because shit happens. What matters is that I'm back...for however long.

There few things that I won't try at least once. I mean, I love food! 
Granted there are those rare instances where I'll say "fuck no, get that outta my face!"...like if you try to get me to eat bull testicles or insects. *barf*

These are three things I will never ever attempt to ingest again because it tastes like ass.

No, these are not mini french fries. They're disgusting sauteed garlic cloves. The MIL loves these things & pressured me into tasting one. As soon as it hit my taste-buds I regretted putting it in my mouth; I quickly spit it out and rinsed for like 10 minutes straight. 

Damn, that actually looks good. But, it's not. This is liver & onions - one of my mom's favorite dishes. The smell is fabulous, the taste is alright but that texture...now that shit's disgusting.

Who in the fuck likes cinnamon candy? It's so nasty and gives you cotton mouth like a mother.

Link up with us and tell us all about the stuff you'll never be eating again. Maybe you'll inspire us to never eat it too.

Next week's topic: Fantasy Shopping Spree...

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Random Thursday: What I Love/Hate About Valentines Day

When I was teenager I would dream of the school's hottest dude giving me any sign of interest; a smile, flowers, a card telling me he can't live without me...you know, whatever.  Truth is it never happened. Doubt the dude had the brain capacity to think of anyone other than himself so it was all for the best. Gawd, I hated high school.

Moving on. The hubs and I don't celebrate Valentine's day. We acknowledge it but don't buy into all the buying of crap neither of us need. We're too broke for shit. 

Things that really annoy me about V-day are...

Stuffed animals. Ick. They're cute but if you're not 12 or under, you have zero use for them. 

Roses are red and beautiful but on V-day they're way too damn expensive. Instead of shelling out $80 for flowers that are going to die in less than a week how about you just hand me the cash. Yay, cash!

Crowded-ass-restaurants. I need my elbow room so even attempting to eat out on V-day is a huge no-no. Take out is the way to go, and not just because it'll be half the price.

Things I love...

Seeing and feeling the love in the air. I'm sure it's just in my head but it seems like people are a little more affectionate towards one another on this day.  I'm all for it, as long as the clothes stays on and I don't witness tongues flying. *barf*

Next week's topic: Movies I Hate To Admit I Loved...